What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
