i used baking grease as lip gloss
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
