Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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