The maid of honor just puked.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
