dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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