After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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