i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
