I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize