where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
