Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
