Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
