i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
