so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
