I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
