tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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