I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
