Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
