Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
