oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
