i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
