We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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