I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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