I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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