So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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