i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
