you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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