k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
