We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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