That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's never too late to be topless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
