Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
