My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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