I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
