While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
