Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
