Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we're making bets on your personal life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
