you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
