Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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