I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
