so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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