If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
