If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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