Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
