Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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