i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
