We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
