I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cut my penus on the lid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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