At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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