4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
