I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
