i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
