Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
