last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
