Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
