There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
