At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
