i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
