Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
