So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
