and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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