I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
