therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
