I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
