Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
