Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
