LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
