My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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