grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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