Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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