I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
