dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
