I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
