I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
