Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
