my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
