I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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