im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dude. I can hear the air.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
