i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
