I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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