Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
